3 Essential Questions to Ask Yourself on the Self-Discovery Journey

Having been on the self-discovery journey for more than 10 years now and knowing how much time and energy it took for me to figure the whole thing out and do all the research and investigative work to find this information, I’ve decided to share this information in the hope that maybe it can help someone have an easier time on their own self-discovery journey. If you can answer these three questions from an authentic space, I believe that you will be able to exponentially progress on your own self-discovery journey.

WHO ARE YOU?

This is probably the most challenging question to answer because before we can truly know ourselves, we must discover ourselves and part of discovering ourselves is learning about all the parts that make up our whole and then following each of them down the rabbit hole to sort out what our innate beliefs and values are and what was given to us from our environment & conditioning. (This includes information from a blog! YOUR truth, unfortunately, can not be found within the words of a blog. At best, I can be a pointer to your truth!) Only after we have emptied out all that will not serve us, will we be able to fill ourselves with what will and only after we’ve filled ourselves up will we be able to answer the question “Who am I?” from an authentic perspective. But just knowing the important first question is a huge time saver!

Here’s a quick list of some of the things you’ll be investigating as you answer the question, “Who am I?”

What are my beliefs? What do I believe?
What are my thoughts?
Feelings, emotions
Behaviors (what behaviors do I observe in myself regularly? And more specifically, what behaviors am I struggling with?)
Personality
Fears
Desires
Passions
Will
Faith
Addictions (what is something that I want to give up, but can’t).
Attachments
Influence
Truth (what do I know is true?)
Error (what do I know is error?)
Knowledge
Experience
Education
Circumstances
Responsibilities
Coping skills
Stress management skills
Emotional management skills
Emotional processing skills
Self-awareness
Culture, traditions
Sexuality
Needs
Aspirations
Resources
Trauma
Intuition
Wisdom
Security
Safety
Stability
Obligations
Expectations
Skills & Tools
Humility or Pride
Values
Morals
Ethics
Roles
What makes you angry
What are you ashamed of
Self-concept
Self-worth
Confidence
Self-Trust
Trust in others
Self-assurance
Independence
Abilities, aptitudes
Emotional intelligence
Cognitive intelligence
Critical Thinking skills
Problem solving skills
Resourcefulness
Intentions
Motives
Functional level (are you in survival mode?)
Self-love
Self-care
Love capacity/energy level
Autonomy, self-government
Integrity
Authenticity
Health, wellness
Opportunities
Priorities
Boundaries
Voice
Life management
Executive function

And this is by no means a detailed list! There are SO many parts to our whole! There is no right or wrong answers as you self-reflect. This is more an exercise to help you realize the scope and sequence of discovering yourself. When I began this journey, I wondered why my entire education from preschool through masters of education, I was never offered the self-discovery education? In my personal opinion, self-discovery is THE most essential education we can obtain. I am 11 years into my self-discovery education. If I had started this education at age 3, I would be in eighth grade for self-discovery now! I am still 8 years away from an undergraduate degree in self-discovery! That is crazy to think about! I can only imagine my growth 8 years from now!

As I said, this is in no way a detailed or complete list. This is simply a list to give you an idea of what it means to know yourself. When we know ourselves, we have a detailed profile of ourselves which enables us to meet our own needs, take care of ourselves and thrive. The more we know about ourselves and the more connected we are with ourselves, the more likely we will be able to thrive in our lives instead of being stuck in survival mode.

2. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

Once we know who we are we will likely also know what our authentic self desires and aspires. We will know what we value and believe in and with this information we will be able to set direction and purpose. We’ll use this direction and purpose to take the rest of the self-discovery journey which is why knowing the answers to these questions is SO valuable.

Here are some examples of answers you might have for question #2:

To serve others
To love others
To realize my dream
To heal from trauma
To become free
To become self-actualized, authentic, my highest self, etc.
To become One with my creator
To become a better parent
To become conscious
To become authentic

The only goal here is that your answer should be strictly about YOU. In other words, your answer should not be to love others by sacrificing my own self-love. If the goal is to love others through first loving yourself, that’s great. Understanding that the goal of setting direction and purpose is about understanding the direction and purpose. For example, to love others IS to love self. When we understand that we are part of the whole of humanity, we understand that it is impossible to love others authentically if we do not set the goal to simultaneously love ourselves. If we cannot be kind or non-judging toward ourselves, we cannot truly be kind and non-judging to others!

This direction acts as our light along a dark and at times, lonely path. The direction may change as we go along. NOTHING ever has to be permanent. As we grow and learn on this journey, we will have many a-ha moments and new information WILL shift our perspective on things. As we come to know ourselves better and understand what makes us tick, we will mature in our sense of intuition and decision making.

As I shared in an earlier blog, my direction when I first started this journey was to complete a book (book series really) that I had been inspired to write. After 5 years writing, my direction and purpose shifted to what it is now which is freedom and authenticity. I realized that before I could complete my book series, I needed to be entirely authentic. And so, in order to achieve my goal of completing my book, I needed to take a detour route to gain the skills and tools I’ll need to do that. Simultaneously, I had other goals as a single mom and one of the things that is super important to me is moving everyone forward. If only one person in our tribe is moving forward, then nobody is moving forward. And so, as I meander this journey like you, I am learning how to gain balance and manage my energy to be able to keep my tribe moving forward. Answering the question “where am I going,” sets a structure to our life. It gives us focus and purpose which gives us meaning and fulfillment which is what we need to carry us through the internal journey of self-discovery. Think of your direction and purpose as your guide dog through your self-discovery journey.

3. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET THERE?

A dream without a plan is just a dream, right? The how is our goals and objectives to achieve our direction. Since everyone’s answers to these questions will be different, I’ll offer a mock example. Let’s say that Jane has a dream of opening up her own flower nursery. She’s had this dream all her life. She’s planted and cared for gardens her entire childhood and young adulthood, but never believed that she could have her own nursery. She got married right out of high school and almost immediately started having babies. Now, she has three children and a husband who goes away on business a lot. She’s not only in charge of all the child rearing and home management, but while her children are at school, she has an almost full time job at a restaurant to pay for all the family extras like vacations, kid’s activities and saving for their college educations. Quitting her job is not an option, but as her life is now, there’s no way that she could add a side hustle to make the extra money she’d need to rent a property to start a nursery. The way she sees it, there’s no way that she will be able to realize her dream.

Now, there’s a lot going on here. For one, we have no idea what the profiles of Jane’s three children are. We do not know how old they are, how independent they are, what activities they are involved in and their need for these activities… We do not know what her husband’s job is, his income or when he is home and could help with his children. We do not know what their current expenses are and on and on. If Jane were to come to me and ask for advice, I would first have to collect as much info as possible before I could even begin to offer any guidance. But let’s say that Jane is on the money on everything she’s communicated–that her circumstances are hopeless and there’s no way for her to get a side hustle and raise the funds for the nursery at this time. Then the work to be done is with her own emotional state and belief system. If Jane believes that her chances of realizing her dreams are hopeless because of her circumstances, then she needs to dive head first into what she believes in order to discover WHY she believes it. Can you see how in the case of Jane, we really do not know enough because this is HER journey, not ours? And even if she were to come to us for advice, we really cannot advise her? At best we could listen to her or help her sort out the FACTS. Beyond that, only SHE can figure this out! And this is what I am desirous to help you to understand about the self-discovery journey. It’s called SELF-discovery because only YOU can discover yourself! And the circumstances of your life are actually the perfect backdrop to discover the truth about yourself. How did you get to the place you are at now? What choices were made to get you there? And why were those choices made? Where did the beliefs about those choices come from? When we look backwards we can gain a lot of knowledge on ourselves!

Finding yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself! As we discover our innate light, we have the power to shine that light in the world and influence others to discover and shine theirs. One candle can light many! I encourage you to believe in yourself and in your strength and ability to find yourself and your path! I believe in you!