5 Conscious Parenting Concepts You Need to Know

True learning happens in freedom and self-initiation. When we understand this, we realize that we cannot make anyone learn anything. As parents, we often try to influence so much of our children’s learning. We want them to do their homework, brush their teeth, self-soothe, listen to us, be kind to their friends and siblings…and of course, often automatically. We aren’t understanding the learning process and as a result, we are ineffective in our attempts to positively influence our children. And this leads to disappointment and discouragement on our part. So what can we do to ascertain that our children gain all the life skills, tools and skills that they need to become self-sufficient, confident, well-adjusted adults?

HERE ARE FIVE CONCEPTS TO CHALLENGE YOUR PARENTING PERSPECTIVE:

1. CHILDREN ARE NOT A POSSESSION

Because we’ve had these children, we tend to look at them as “OUR” child. “This is my son,” “This is my daughter,” etc. And with this mindset, we set out to mold this child into something that we want. Since they are “ours” that means that it is “our” job to do the sculpting. And what happens when we sculpt? We get an idea in our minds for a sculpture idea and away we go molding and shaping that clay into the vision we have for the sculpture. Our children are NOT our sculpting project! Understanding this simple concept will help us to pause for thought and self-reflect and likely have a realization that on some level, we are guilty of making our children a sculpture project. If they are not a sculpture project then, what are they?

2. CHILDREN ARE INDIVIDUALS

Our children are individuals. Yes, for many of us our children have our genetic code. Yes, there will be similar behaviors and interests at times, but the natural expression of these interest might be entirely different to our expression of this interest. For example, I may have a child who loves to dance which was something I loved as a child, but my child might prefer to dance as an emotional outlet rather than in an organized class fashion. We need to approach our children as scientists. We need to collect a lot of data before we seek to influence our children with our ideas for them. Just because we observe our children twirling in the living room does not automatically mean that they want to pursue a professional ballet path. Our job as parents is to see our children clearly, to hear them clearly, to be connected with their emotions and feel our way to what their organic needs are. Our job as parent is to be a resource and support system, not a director. Children know innately what they need and when we pay attention and tune in, they will inform us of what those things are!

3. CHILDREN HAVE UNDEVELOPED BRAINS

One of the most essential things we need to understand as parents is that the brain of a human being does not finish developing until 25. That means that from birth to 25 (and maybe even after this–new studies are suggesting 35 for neurodivergent brains!) our children are absorbing and integrating information around them. As parents, we have the unique opportunity to decide what information we want our children to absorb and integrate. When we are conscious and self-aware; when we have discovered ourselves, matured ourselves and become our authentic selves, we can easily know what it is we want our children to absorb and integrate. But if we have not become self-aware, if we have not discovered ourselves, if we have not matured ourselves or become our authentic self, then instead of focusing on how best to raise our child, the focus should be on how best to raise ourselves. THE greatest impact we can have on our children is the role model we are to them on a daily basis. As we gain insight into ourselves and grow and develop ourselves, answers for how to best influence the information our children are absorbing and integrating will naturally come. Meanwhile, find trusted support who can help you as you meander this learning process.

4. CHILDREN HAVE A DIFFERENT PATH THAN US

When we understand that our children are only in our care for a short time, we can grasp this concept that children have different paths than us. What we need on our path nwill likely be different to what our children will need. In addition to gaining insight and understanding about our children’s needs, it is important to gain insight into the path we sense our child may be taking. The more that we understand about this path, the more that we can help to prepare our child for this path. Understanding the resources they will need, the education they will need, the opportunities they will need, etc. will go a long way in helping to support our child as they reach the age where they will begin to decide what path they will take.

5. CHILDREN ARE WISER THAN WE THINK

Can you remember back to your own childhood or teen hood? I remember that my mother often over parented in some areas. She often worried incessantly about all kinds of things from my manners to my outward presentation to my behaviors. It was no wonder she had time to do her own responsibilities! Looking back on my childhood, I only remember me being very attuned to the world around me. I understood that other people had feelings. I got that when I went to school with my underwear sticking out or food on my face that others would point this out. I got it. I also got how to keep myself safe, to make choices in the direction of safety, to cross the street when a suspicious car was driving behind me. I guess what I am saying is I was not a dumb kid. And my mother did not give me credit for my own knowledge and wisdom. She did not trust my knowledge and wisdom which is why she constantly worried and drilled things into me….”remember to say thank you to your teacher at the end of the day,” “remember to hand in your homework,” “remember to look both ways before you cross the street…” Our children are not stupid! They can do WAY more things than we believe they can and when we show our kids that we believe in them and their abilities, this goes a long way for building their confidence!

MY OWN PARENTING EXPERIENCE

I am a parent. And I am a parent to a disabled child. What I have learned parenting is that my disabled child needs MORE confidence, not less. Because of her disabilities, she needs MORE of my belief in her and her abilities. When she was younger, I did not have this knowledge and so sheltered her which in hindsight I see hurt her more than helped her. I was trying to protect her, but what I learned as she grew (and as I grew) is that there is only so long that I can protect my child before I have to accept life’s natural progression will take me out of the equation and leave my daughter on her own. The skills, tools, knowledge, confidence, etc. that she has is what she will have. So now, I ask myself often, if I died tomorrow, am I happy with the skills and tools she has? Do I feel confident that she can lead a life worth living? And when I am not confident with my answer, my focus is shifted to what things I can do to change that. Every day we have an opportunity to positively influence our children and their lives. But what I discovered in my own parenting journey and self-discovery journey is that NONE of those efforts involve doting over our children. They all involve focusing on ourselves and our own consciousness so that we can use that consciousness to intuit next best moves to be a resource instead of acting on auto-pilot and hoping for the best.

CONSCIOUS PARENTING

Conscious parenting is aware parenting. It’s present parent. It’s having the knowledge, wisdom and awareness to SEE and FEEL what is true. There’s a little hoping with conscious parenting because nothing is guaranteed, but there’s a lot less hoping because when we come at parenting in a conscious way, we prepare, plan and systematically make decisions and those decisions become a stream of rope we hand to our children to grab hold of in times of trouble. If I could have a redo on parenting, here are THREE things I would change.

1. Self-Discovery

I would start my self-discovery journey immediately. I would make learning about self-discovery my top priority. I would take the emotional journey and align and integrate my inner-child self with my adult self to ascertain that the parent that my child was getting was the parent she needed instead of the parent she’d need to heal from.

2. Self-Care

Next, understanding self-discovery and the healing and integration process, I would manage my energy in a conscious way so that my child learned through my example how to effectively manage and process her emotions. Through my natural example, she would automatically absorb these skills without ever having to study or learn them!

3. Be My Authentic Self

Last, I would unmask and be my authentic self. As my child observes and experiences me being my authentic self, she would learn to do the same. She’d come to believe that who she innately is is valuable, worthy and important and she’d have no reservations of being this person as it’s all she would know. Having the confidence to be her innate self would ascertain her confidence because authenticity and confidence are two sides of the same coin!

FINAL THOUGHTS

We live in an imperfect reality right now. None of us were raised by perfect parents. None of us are perfect parents. Even as we take our own self-discovery journeys, we are still learning and growing–infinitely learning and growing! The simple act of knowing what we would do differently informs us of if we are on the right path now. It gives us information about the parent we desire to be and the efforts we are taking to become that person. Meanwhile, we are showing our children that we are aware that some things we have done were mistakes and while we cannot undo or change the past, we can change the future. What this example does for our children is teach them the power of self-discovery, self-care, consciousness and conscious parenting. If our children become parents one day, consider the impact our decision to self-discover and self-care today will have on future generations!

Much Love!