Balancing Life is Balancing Emotion

Have you ever heard someone say, “You just have to learn to balance everything?” Over the years, as I’ve attempted to listen to this advice, I’ve come to discover that I SUCK at balance! While I am attempting to balance parenting, self-care, home management, finances, creating cash flow, relationships, etc., I am entirely preoccupied with survival, unaware of my inner-world, focused exclusively outward on all these tasks that need doing! (Tasks mind you that are NEVER finished!). One day, I decided to accept my sucking at balance and let everything topple over!

I needed a new plan. I needed something that enabled me to live the life that I wanted to be living instead of waiting day after day for when it was my turn! Instead of trying to balance all the tasks, I would instead focus on balancing MYSELF. The goal shifted from “keep the entire ship running” to “keep THIS passenger on the ship running!” That meant that I needed to maintain my own emotional stability. I needed to keep my energy bucket managed. I needed to be conscious enough to be tuned into that energy bucket to note when I was getting too empty. And I needed to accept that sometimes I would not be able to “do” everything on the list. It meant that sometimes I would have to disappoint people (which at the time was the most terrifying thing there was)!

My therapist at the time often told me that I needed to set better boundaries. I regularly argued with her that she had NO idea what my life was like and that self-care was something I desired, but not something that I could achieve. I was trapped in codependency with others not even realizing it. I’d take care of other people’s inner-child instead of my own. And maybe this was because I’ve taught almost all my life and it was auto-pilot to care for others? I did not know, but what I did know was that the plan that I was using was NOT working and it was time to try something new. That’s when I started to focus my attention on my own emotional stability which led to me learning TONS about boundaries and self-care and led to me to changing the way I do things.

Life is still filled with doing laundry, home management, parenting, creating cash flow, etc., but now those things are secondary priorities that I am able to do as a result of letting things start with me! So now, I start every day by checking in with myself. I tune in to my feelings, vibe out my needs and remind myself what MY goals for this life are and then I get to it creating the life I want to be living. As a result of this shift, I no longer swing between raging at the world and feeling completely drained. I still end most days very tired and ready for bed, but it’s a very different feeling. It’s a feeling of “Ok, enough for today, time to rest,” feeling.

and What is more, I no longer feel depressed or hopeless about my life. With this approach, I now feel a sense of direction, purpose and meaning. Parenting has become PART of my life instead of ALL of my life. Cash flow has become something I do to meet needs, not something I do to survive. These tiny shifts make all the difference and now, I finally understand what people are saying when they say “you need to learn to balance everything.” What they are really saying is “you need to learn to balance your emotions and feelings.” As I’ve learned to manage and process my emotions along with become in tuned with my inner child’s needs and wants, I’ve gained valuable insights and maturity which have enabled me to grow in my ability to handle and manage adulting! I think that the saying should be, “has anyone ever taught you about emotions and feelings and how to manage and process them so that you have the capacity to balance your own life?” Doesn’t that sound a lot more helpful?

Make yourself a priority, discoveries! You’re worth it!

Much Love!